The Serenity Prayer, Dissected

how an old prayer teaches us a new lesson about boundaries

Ever feel totally out of control of pretty much everything going on around you?

Ever wish you could develop boundaries to help you settle into acceptance for those things you can control…and those things you can’t?

I feel you.

Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, authors of the best-selling book on boundaries, share about what they call “the best boundary prayer” ever written.

Maybe you’ve heard it.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

For family members and loved ones impacted by addiction, this prayer can show us how to have healthy boundaries. This old prayer isn’t just for those of us in addiction recovery ourselves. It can be for everyone.

Especially for those, like me, who struggle with control and boundaries.

Let's take a closer look at each line and unpack its deeper meanings.¹

God grant me the serenity

Serenity is an elusive, yet essential state of being.

When we seek serenity, we are asking for more than just peace and calm; we are asking for confidence, trust, and faith.

The word "grant" implies that serenity is not something we can achieve on our own. It is a gift, a grace given to us.

This opening line is a humble acknowledgment of our need for divine assistance in finding that inner tranquility.

To accept the things I cannot change

Acceptance is a hard, especially when it involves things beyond our control.

This line encourages us to recognize and embrace our limitations. It is a call to let go of our futile attempts to control everything and instead, fall freely into God's arms.

This act of surrender requires immense faith and trust. It’s an invitation to step away from the anxiety that comes from trying to control the uncontrollable and find peace in acceptance.

Courage to change the things I can

Sometimes, recovery feels like standing in front of a mountain—overwhelmed and unsure where to start.

This line reminds me: I do have power.

I can set a boundary. Make a call. Show up for my healing. Say “yes” to help. Say “no” to chaos.

Courage isn’t loud or dramatic, it’s that quiet “I’m not giving up today” kind of strength.

The kind you don’t think you have until you do the thing scared anyway.

And the wisdom to know the difference

Oh, this one. This is the heart of the prayer.

This is discernment. This is learning to pause and ask:

“Is this mine to carry, or is this something I need to release?”

“Is this God’s work, or mine?”

“Is this fear leading me, or faith?”

Wisdom isn’t always clear-cut. But when we slow down and ask for it, God shows up with clarity. Sometimes it’s through a friend. Sometimes through tears. Sometimes through silence. Sometimes through the boundary lines we learn to live in.

Photo by Cherry Laithang on Unsplash

The Serenity Prayer reminds us that while we cannot control everything, we do have the power to make significant changes where possible. Even when we are overwhelmed or at our wit’s end with our loved one. Even when all feels helpless or lost.

“[…] your boundaries help define what you do not have power over:

everything outside of them!”²

This prayer can guide us to seek divine help in navigating these complexities, ensuring that we approach life with a sense of trust, humility, and confidence.

Let us all strive to embody the principles of serenity, acceptance, courage, and wisdom, trusting in the divine to guide us through our journeys. Whether we identify as being in or seeking addiction recovery or if we loved someone who is.

Let’s keep walking together.

I write these words not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who’s still learning what it means to live surrendered. To let go of what’s not mine. To trust God with the rest.

So, if this prayer stirred something in you: if it cracked open a little space in your soul, you’re in good company.

Come back to it.

Whisper it on the hard days.

Write it on a sticky note.

Make it your morning petition.

And if you want to share how it’s impacted you, I’d love to hear your story.

You’re not alone. You’re not too late. And you’re right where you need to be.

Let’s keep showing up for truth, for healing, and for each other.

*

How are you moved by the Serenity Prayer? What do you need to accept today? What do you need to change?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Caroline Beidler, MSW, is an author, speaker, and Managing Editor of Recovery.com, where she combines expert guidance with research to help people find the best path to healing and treatment. Her next book, When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide for Understanding Addiction, is coming Spring 2026 with Nelson Books. Drawing from her own recovery journey through addiction, mental health challenges, and trauma, along with training as a clinical mental health provider and addiction recovery expert, Caroline is passionate about guiding you into seasons of greater healing. Learn more about her books here.

1. Did you know that this is actually an abridged version of the original prayer? Check out the full version here.

2. Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.