“Later, after we’d been dating for a while, when he met my friends in recovery, he was shocked that people “like me” and “us” were a part of this seemingly elusive club where we drank fancy seltzer, laughed a lot, and were sober on Saturday nights, God forbid.”
Love those responses, Caroline! When I married my partner, he'd been sober for many years. I saw that as a plus even though I didn't get sober myself until years later. I was still nervous about how things would be for us once I got sober (I was more social and "personable" when drinking and suspected he actually preferred me that way). Thankfully, we got through the awkward phase, and it's been such a gift to our relationship. But oof. My family? Co-workers? The response is usually "awkward silence, then changing the subject."
My husband admits he had to think about whether he wanted to date someone who was sober. He never envisioned a life with someone he could not share a drink with. He said he looked around at all the people struggling with drinking too much and decided he respected someone who actually did something about it. Eleven years later, and I’m so glad he made that choice. And now he sends all his friends who are struggling with alcohol my way. 🤣
“I had no idea what recovery was all about. Not like I do now. I had no idea that it makes life bigger. Not smaller.”
Such a gorgeous response/reflection from your husband.
I still struggle with this part of recovery- how some of my closest people still don’t quite understand why I prioritize sobriety so fiercely.
My husband still drinks (through WAY less now) and I see the second hand effects my recovery is having on him (I think I see it and he may not, entirely). It is making our lives bigger, that is certain.
One response that a dear friend gave me was, “we are rooting for you.” Which I KNOW had the best of intentions but it made me feel like I’m the underdog who needs sympathy. When really, I feel so empowered.
I am grateful for circles like yours, Caroline - where others get it. 🫶
“Later, after we’d been dating for a while, when he met my friends in recovery, he was shocked that people “like me” and “us” were a part of this seemingly elusive club where we drank fancy seltzer, laughed a lot, and were sober on Saturday nights, God forbid.”
We are not a glum lot 🤭
Yes and yes!
Love those responses, Caroline! When I married my partner, he'd been sober for many years. I saw that as a plus even though I didn't get sober myself until years later. I was still nervous about how things would be for us once I got sober (I was more social and "personable" when drinking and suspected he actually preferred me that way). Thankfully, we got through the awkward phase, and it's been such a gift to our relationship. But oof. My family? Co-workers? The response is usually "awkward silence, then changing the subject."
So much awkward silence it’s become “welcome silence.” I’ve come to a place of loving the quiet pause. Gives me time to back away slowly haha 😂
"I'm so sorry."
🤣🤣🤣
Funny, right?!? lol
My husband admits he had to think about whether he wanted to date someone who was sober. He never envisioned a life with someone he could not share a drink with. He said he looked around at all the people struggling with drinking too much and decided he respected someone who actually did something about it. Eleven years later, and I’m so glad he made that choice. And now he sends all his friends who are struggling with alcohol my way. 🤣
Sounds like our husbands have a lot in common! Going on 9 years together this month.
Yes I did chuckle at the responses. And yes we do need to redefine recovery and obliterate that old tired stereotype.
Yes yes yes! They are too funny, right?
Recovery from ... My worst challenge and top medic friend exaggerates this, by saying recovery from WHAT
I've had so many people ask that, too, and my first thought is always: "how much time do you have to talk?" :)
“I had no idea what recovery was all about. Not like I do now. I had no idea that it makes life bigger. Not smaller.”
Such a gorgeous response/reflection from your husband.
I still struggle with this part of recovery- how some of my closest people still don’t quite understand why I prioritize sobriety so fiercely.
My husband still drinks (through WAY less now) and I see the second hand effects my recovery is having on him (I think I see it and he may not, entirely). It is making our lives bigger, that is certain.
One response that a dear friend gave me was, “we are rooting for you.” Which I KNOW had the best of intentions but it made me feel like I’m the underdog who needs sympathy. When really, I feel so empowered.
I am grateful for circles like yours, Caroline - where others get it. 🫶
Thank you so much for sharing. I totally get how that comment from a loved one could make you feel. I’ve been there, too. 🙏🏼