5 ways to tell your family you're not drinking this Christmas

My personal favorite is #4. I really think you might be shocked.

Hi friends! I’m so excited this week to share this guest letter from my friend and colleague, Jonathon M. Seidl (Jon), who runs the daily blog The Veritas Daily. He sends out daily nuggets on faith, life, and recovery. He’s in recovery himself for alcohol misuse and has a book coming out on the topic next fall called “Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.” Please sign up for his daily posts here.

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Can we just be honest: sobriety can be scary. I’m coaching a friend through sobriety who is six weeks in. I appreciate how beautifully raw her texts to me have been. Like this one:

“Working through a lot of sh**. Everyone says how much better you feel and although I feel a lot better physically, the mental/emotional stuff is hard. Also have a lot of questions about all this stuff.”

People in recovery are so freaking honest, and I love it. When you’ve truly come to the end of yourself, you can’t help but be honest. If you ever question if you’re actually doing “this” right, take an inventory of how honest you’re being.

It will tell you all you need to know.

In the spirit of that honesty (which I call “radical vulnerability”) I want to give you five ways to tell your family you’re not drinking this holiday season. I know that can be hard to do. When it comes to the early hours, days, months, and years of recovery, everything can seem insurmountable, confusing, or even impossible. For many of us drinkers, the holidays were an excuse to imbibe—a lot. And it was great because, for even just a day, it was justified and our family would even join in with us.

“If I really had a problem, my family wouldn’t join in with me like this. Or they’d at least say something. I’m fine!”

Anyone else?

So telling your family you’re not drinking this Christmas can feel like a massive admission. So let me help you through that.

Reason #1: “I’m trying something new for health reasons.”

Here’s the truth: Alcohol is bad for your health. It just is. The World Health Organization now says that “No level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health.” Consider this:

Alcohol is a toxic, psychoactive, and dependence-producing substance and has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer decades ago – this is the highest risk group, which also includes asbestos, radiation and tobacco.

You can tell your family you’ve read the reports, and your health comes first.

Another variation: “My doctor told me to cut back a little,” or “My doctor told me to try not to.” Because just ask your doctor and I’m pretty sure that’s what he’ll say, especially if you’re honest about how much you’ve been drinking.

Another variation: “I’m trying something different for my mental health.” The research is clear: alcohol is awful for your mental health.

Reason #2: “I’ve made a bet with some friends.”

I bet you can’t make it through the holidays without drinking.

There. You just made a bet with a friend. Now, prove me wrong.

Another variation: “I made a bet with myself. I want to see if I can go the holidays without drinking.”

Reason #3: “I’m kinda losing the taste for it.”

If you’re contemplating giving sobriety a try, the truth is that in one sense you’re starting to lose a taste for it. “Taste” doesn’t just mean physical, it can also mean emotional, mental, and even spiritual.

At times, I still physically want to drink. I loved the burn of bourbon. But as I’ve gotten further into recovery and further away from my last drink, the “taste”—the strong desire to actually pour it down my throat—the desire continues to dissipate. Maybe it will always be there, maybe it won’t. But I continue to lose the taste for it.

Reason #4: “I’m good.”

I’ve used this one a lot surprisingly. I’ve had people ask me for a drink, said no, and that’s where it ended! No explanation given, no explanation asked for, and no explanation needed. I think some of you might be surprised what happens when you’re asked for a drink and you say, “I’m good.”

Nothing.

Nothing might happen. And it’s awesome.

Reason #5: “I noticed a lot of celebrities giving it up and talking about how beneficial it is. So I wanted to give it a try.”

Roberty Downy Jr. Tom Holland. Denzel Washington. Drew Barrymore. Bradly Cooper. Rob Lowe. Daniel Radcliffe. Lana Del Rey. Ben Affleck. Keith Urban. Gerard Butler. Naomi Campbell. Russell Brand. Keith Urban. Ewan McGregor. Tim McGraw. John Goodman. Dax Shepard. John Mayer. Dennis Quaid. Zac Efron. Jamie Lee Curtis. George W. Bush. Josh Brolin. Elton John.

You get the picture. Those are just some of the celebrities who have talked about being sober. And it’s worked wonders for them.

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Let me be clear about something: I’m not here advocating you outright lie. In fact, I’d love for you to pick the reason that is most true for you. But I wanted to give you some options to think through.

Let me know if you try any of these and how it goes.

Got Jon’s daily posts and encouragements here.

Photo by Victor Serban on Unsplash

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We don’t have to face life or recovery alone, and I’m grateful for guides like

Jonathon M. Seidl

who share insights like this.

How are you navigating the holidays this year? Drop a comment below to offer your expertise and personal experience to the Circle of Chairs community.

You can also check out my latest free ebook here that shares 5 ways that we can have a healthier season.