When the old stories don't fit us anymore
+ what I learned about the "re-story" at a women's recovery conference
The room felt electric.
Scarfs and linens and manicured nails in a rainbow of pinks, turquoise, corals, and yellows. Eyeglasses like butterflies: varied colors and shapes and sizes. Women laughing and tearing up and hugging and hungry for connection.
Never had I been in a room of women so laid bare and loving it: A beautiful tapestry of experiences and ages and histories and desires. Women hurt by trauma and addiction, yet so ready for more.
Walking reminders that we are more.
Photo by Nareeta Martin on Unsplash
They were rowdy and receptive, with unusually open hands, to the truth that they were gathered because they were sober and loved it.
Do you know what it feels like to be in recovery and love your new life?
It’s AMAZING!
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Women for Sobriety has been around for 50 years next year and was created by a woman in the 1970s who wanted an alternative support system than what was predominantly offered at the time.
Decades ago, we didn’t have a list of recovery support options like a Cheesecake Factory menu: harm reduction, 12-step, faith-based, and so on. Especially women. Few were the options and choices.
So a woman did what women often do (and other recovery advocates): the resource did not exist and so she built it.
Women for Sobriety was born out of a desire for something different.
Though I connect with other pathways, too, and talk openly about my faith, I can connect with that.
There have been so many times over my recovery journey (and even times recently) when I’ve said to myself:
I want something different. I am ready for more.
At the conference, I discussed my new book and trauma recovery. We laughed, we cried (including me), and there were shouts, claps, hugs, and yeses. I asked for a tissue jokingly from the room full of women, and of course, many had fresh Kleenex or a crumply wad of a napkin to share immediately.
Among friends, I shared about my experiences in early recovery when I realized that I was ready to go deeper with my healing. Things started happening that were pointing me toward a new story.
As one woman at the conference shared:
"I realized after hearing you that I'm ready to take my recovery deeper. I'm ready for more."
My dear friend (and now friend IRL) Meghann Perry also hosted and facilitated the conference. She participates in the International Women’s Day event that I host yearly, and she is part of the reason the event was so electric.
Me, Meghann, and Lisa
Meghann does phenomenal work and training around storytelling. She trains people in recovery, speakers, organizations, and others on how to tell meaningful and impactful stories. Trained in theater and recovery coaching, she brings something unique to recovery advocacy and support.
During one of her talks at the conference, she introduced the concept of “re-storying.”
She says:
“We can take our stories and re-story them. We can change the narrative. We can take what happened to us or maybe an old story that we’ve been telling ourselves, and we can share it in a new way.”
Re-frame.
Renew.
Re-invent.
Re-inVEST if you will (this may be an inside joke) ; )
We can outgrow our old stories.
I’ve outgrown so much in my life: People, places, things, actions, behaviors, stories. Old stories that are scratchy, like an old wool sweater that doesn’t fit. Old stories that don’t work for me anymore.
At this conference, I was lovingly reminded that we can begin telling new stories. We can re-story.
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Are trauma symptoms holding you back? Check out this new quiz I’ve created for you based on my training as a mental health provider and personal experience as a trauma survivor.
Will you share one way that you are telling a new story today? Or perhaps, a way that you've realized you’ve outgrown an old story?