Loving a family member who is struggling with substance use?
Here are some helpful tips from therapist and founder of Finding Freedom, Jacky Power
If you love someone who is struggling with substance use or seeking recovery, this one from Jacky Power, a therapist and family recovery expert, is for you. Please share with a friend or colleague who might find it helpful.
How can you maintain your mental health and well-being while loving a family member who may be struggling with addiction?
As you read that question, I wonder if there is part of you rolling your eyes. You know, the part that is fantastic in a crisis, that doesn’t have TIME to be thinking about your own mental health, the one that is preoccupied with sending its antenna out to sense how well your loved one’s recovery is going today.
Let’s thank that part of us that has no time or energy right now. Let’s thank that part of us for showing up in the way it knows best.
And then let’s turn to the part of us that went ‘gulp’ when I mentioned well-being, that bravely put its hand up, right at the back of the room, and said:
“Yes. Maybe… yes. Yes, please. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES!!!”
Bill Stauffer, addiction recovery expert and advocate shares this:
“Family is really critical to both the pathology of addiction, it can spread generationally, and also the healing from addiction.”
We can play an active part in the healing of our stories and our families and learn how to prioritize our own mental health and recovery this season.
Welcome.
To that part of you, I want to offer some OBGs—the oldies but goodies in the realm of well-being—some don’t-have-to-try-too-hard-at-this options. When it comes to mental health for ourselves, we can start with keeping it simple.
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
Nutrition
Eating more foods that contain tryptophan, such as salmon, eggs, spinach, and seeds, can help out your body as it tries to make more serotonin. Low serotonin levels are linked to depression and poor memory. Serotonin needs tryptophan to be made in the body which we get from protein. Combine eating protein with some complex carbs - a simple egg on wholegrain bread for example - and you’re giving your body the fuel it needs to lift your mood.
Hormones
If applicable to you, tracking your cycle is also helpful as our energy and mood totally fluctuate over the monthly cycle. Need to broach a difficult subject with your loved one? Planning it for when you are in your summer phase (during ovulation), when you have more energy and your social skills are at their optimum, may give you a helpful boost.
Kill the clutter
When we live in the fight-or-flight state that loving someone with an addiction can often lead us to, our minds can feel like fragmented shards of attention. We can end up abandoning jobs halfway through to get on with something more urgent. Yet clutter increases our cortisol levels, which can leave us in an agitated state for longer—a low-level hum of disquiet.
I talk to a professional declutterer in this podcast episode, but if you would like a quick hint, I suggest approaching things as if you are trying to support your future self. In the moment, exhausted, You may want to kick off your clothes and leave them in a pile at the end of the day, but by spending a few minutes tidying them away, you are investing in the Future. You will feel calmer and more in control. You can always put on a timer and agree with yourself that you will tidy up until the buzzer goes off if that helps.
Using our senses
Sound and smell can be great quick hacks to feeling better.
Sound
Think about what you are saying and how.
Saying “I feel so overwhelmed” is a reactive comment.
Saying ‘I want to feel calmer’ is a proactive comment.
The former may leave you feeling stuck, out of control, whilst the latter leans toward a growth mindset which may lead you to asking yourself, ‘What can I do now that would help me feel more calm?’
Listening to classical music is also calming if you pick the right piece. Baroque music has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety and improve concentration. Try Air on a G string by J.S. Bach, for example.
Photo by a l on Unsplash
Smell
Odors can instantly affect the way we feel. My go-to is eucalyptus oil if I want a brain reset, but lavender, vetiver, orange blossom, rosemary, and sage all have their benefits in helping you feel better.
We can think, ‘If only our loved one was okay, we’d be okay,’ but there are mini hacks all around us to help improve our well-being.
These are some right-now options.
Yet there is so much more.
If only we had more time to chat about the merits of:
Having a non-judgmental community in which we can be witnessed in our confusion and grief.
Finding ways through creativity to tell our vulnerable story in a way that doesn’t feel exposing.
Learning about boundaries so that we take the brave step of showing people how we want and need to be treated.
Having a framework for healthy communication so that we avoid the blame/self-shame trap in our frustration.
Breaking down trust into its 7 core components so that when we say ‘I don’t trust you’ we can pinpoint exactly why and make an action plan around it, helping us to feel more empowered.
And perhaps the biggest one of all, learning ways to regulate ourselves emotionally so that we can expand our window of tolerance and not be in a never-ending cycle of fight/flight/freeze which is what we often refer to as ‘poor mental health.’
Rooting for you on your journey! You aren’t alone and there are things we can all do to take care of our mental health and well-being, no matter how our loved ones are.
I hope you enjoyed these helpful tips from . Want to share your thoughts on what helps you? Comment below.
Additional Family Support Resources
Helpline: Get One-on-One Help to Address Your Child's Substance Use from the Partnership to End Addiction
The Family Recovery Course from Be a Part of the Conversation is a FREE three-part series of peer-led interactive educational training for parents or guardians whose child, at any stage of life, has struggled with addiction to drugs or alcohol.
Part 1 – Addiction 101: Exploring this complex disease.
Part 2 – Family Foundations: Understanding the family disease of addiction.
Part 3 – Family Recovery: Building a recovery plan for life.
Join the Circle of Chairs community with the following live, virtual events coming soon:
Register here to join (note that you need to have a registered Zoom account).
Join me and family recovery advocates from around the world at this upcoming listening session. Learn more here about how you can get involved in advocating for more family recovery research, funding, and support!
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