From Suburbia to the Southwest

A guest letter from Chloe Redfield about navigating identity and healing when you’re between worlds

I’m honored to have another guest letter from my colleague and friend, Chloe Redfield. She speaks so beautifully about her experiences, and I’d love to hear how you connect with her story in the comments.

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I grew up in a picture-perfect neighborhood in the Midwest. The kind with big houses, block parties, and bikes tossed onto front lawns at sunset. My childhood, for a time, was full of movement and magic: close friends, school activities, and a sense of being safely held by the world around me. It was the early 2000s, and my little corner of suburbia felt like its own universe, one I belonged to.

But life doesn’t always stay in its brightest chapter. Around the age of 12, everything shifted abruptly.

Not only we need to move out of my sacred childhood home that held the memories I still reminisce on frequently today, my parents’ divorce stretched on for years.

Bringing chaos, drama, abuse, emotional instability, confusion, and a slow erosion of that once-whole world. While the houses, sidewalks, and my cherished old neighborhood friends stayed the same, I didn’t.

My nervous system, now overloaded and hyper-aware, could no longer relax into the ease I once knew, yet still trying to process it all and stay strong for those around me. Humbled.

As I got older, most notably after college when all of the structure of school and constant activity dwindled, I began to feel a deep, almost physical claustrophobia in that space I had once adored.

It wasn’t just about the city or the past. It was about something inside of me that was outgrowing what I had always assumed would fit. I realized I needed more space. More silence. More sky.

Photo by Edmundo Mendez, Jr. on Unsplash

The Southwest desert, almost without warning, became that place when my now fiancé took a vacation to Arizona in spring of 2022.

Moving here wasn’t just a location change, it was a soul shift.

The desert didn’t speak loudly, but it spoke clearly. It mirrored the parts of me I had buried beneath years of survival and overperformance. Where I once felt like I had to shrink to keep the peace, the wide-open land gave me room to expand. To breathe deeper. To feel who I was becoming, not just who I had been.

There’s something about the desert that unearths truth gently. It doesn’t ask you to forget where you came from. It simply asks you to be present. Fully, honestly, and without masks. And for someone who grew up carrying more than a child should, that kind of presence felt radical. I needed more, not just vacations.

I often feel like I’m still between worlds. Liminal spaces. Part of me will always love where I came from. There’s warmth in those memories, even if they’re laced with ache. But here, among saguaros and endless mountains, I’ve begun building a new home. One that’s shaped not by circumstance, but by choice. And that should be what we all aim for.

Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash

Healing, for me, hasn’t looked like perfection. It’s looked like re-rooting. Re-wilding. Not letting go, but becoming at peace with past trauma, and releasing the fact that I could only ever belong to one place or one version of myself.

I still carry pieces of my old world with me. But here in the desert, I’ve learned to hold them more gently. And that’s what little Chloe would have wanted.

Be kind to yourself, always.

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What does kindness to yourself look like?

What wide-open spaces give you room to expand?

Chloe Redfield, rooted in Arizona, she writes about desert living, wellness, nature as medicine, and the soulful bond between horses and humans. Her work invites those who crave stillness, wildness, and a return to what feels genuine.

Caroline Beidler, MSW, is an author, speaker, and Managing Editor of Recovery.com, where she combines expert guidance with research to help people find the best path to healing and treatment. Her next book, When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide for Understanding Addiction, is coming Spring 2026 with Nelson Books. Drawing from her own recovery journey through addiction, mental health challenges, and trauma, along with training as a mental health provider and addiction recovery expert, Caroline inspires others to believe that healing is possible. Learn more about her books here.