Feeling lonely?

why connection is key + how to get a free copy of my new book for a friend!

There is an interesting Ted Talk that discusses how the opposite of addiction is connection called Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong.^[i]

The basic premise of the talk is centered on an experiment with rats.

[you’ll have to listen to the talk to get into the gritty bits of the experiment]

In the experiment, British journalist Johann Hari shows how rats will choose to be in cages with other rats — choose connection — instead of ingesting substances like heroin. He asserts that this shows how humans (because we are actually very similar to rats, researchers also assert) need connection and will thrive with interaction, even with the temptation of addictive substances.^[ii]

Hari talks about why 12-step programs and other treatment and recovery programs work. They work because they help to alleviate the isolation and loneliness that are inherent in addiction issues.

While this talk created quite a stir in the recovery world (they could have just asked us instead of messing with a bunch of rats, just my opinion here), there is truth to highlight.

From my own experience, I learned this to be true in early recovery: in fellowship with each other, there is life.

When we open ourselves to the power of community, we open ourselves up to receive a gift. When we tell each other our deep and murky secrets, when we let others into our dark muddy pools of ick, something miraculous happens: we slowly open a door to healing. And if we don’t—well, if we don’t, we can stay stuck.

Or worse.

Laura McKowen in We are the Luckiest, a memoir about her own struggle with alcoholism, says:

One stranger who understands your experience exactly will do for you what hundreds of close friends and family who don’t understand cannot. It is the necessary palliative for the pain of stretching into change. It is the cool glass of water in hell.^[iii]

The strength and beauty and “cool glasses of water” that fellowship brings, for me, has been one of the most incredible gifts of recovery.

Photo by Bence Halmosi on Unsplash

When we are feeling lonely, connection is key.

Our stories can join together to make something amazing. We can move together towards newness. We can discover a sense of belonging that transforms us from the soul out to the skin.

I quote Henri Nouwen a lot—because his story rings true for me—so here’s another one:

We all reflect God’s love in different ways. Together we are like a mosaic. In a mosaic one stone is bright, another stone is gold, another stone is small. If we look at it closely, we can admire the beauty of each stone, but if we step back from it, we can see that all the little stones reveal a beautiful picture and tell a story that none of the stones can tell by itself. Together the different stones reflect the face of God to the world.^[iv]

Through the hands of some people, we may have suffered some of the most horrendous things, yet through the loving actions of others, fellowship, and connection, we are offered healing daily.

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Learn more about healing in community in my next book, YOU ARE NOT YOUR TRAUMA.

Let me guide you and your people on a journey that will move you or your loved one to greater freedom and healing places.

Preorder today and send me a quick message, and I’ll send your friend or colleague a free book. This is how much we believe you need to hear this message.

I’ve also got a free guide for you to use as you read.

Download your copy of the GUIDED JOURNEY here.

Today, we don’t have to be lonely. We can choose connection.

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[i] Johann Hari, "Everything You Think You Know About Addiction Is Wrong," filmed June 2015 in London, England, TED video, 14:33, https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?language=en

[ii] Robert Weiss, “The Opposite of Addiction Is Connection,” Psychology Today, September 30, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201509/the-opposite-addiction-is-connection.

[iii] Laura McKowen, We are the Luckiest (Novato: New World Library, 2020), 101.

[iv] Henri Nouwen, Following Jesus (New York: Convergent Books, 2019), 52.