A note on 13th Stepping...

if you know, then you know (if you don't, read on)

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The blog post "Women and Addiction Recovery: The 13th Step" on Psychology Today addresses a significant but often overlooked issue in addiction recovery: the predatory behavior known as "thirteenth-stepping."

This term refers to individuals, often men, who exploit newly recovering addicts for romantic or sexual relationships during the vulnerable early stages of recovery.

The traditional 12-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), are well-regarded for supporting addiction recovery.

However, the article highlights that the 13th step is not part of the official program but a dangerous phenomenon where predators, either fellow members or outsiders, target newcomers.

This is a real challenge for many folks in the rooms, not just women.

These behaviors can range from inappropriate flirting to sexual harassment and even assault. This predatory behavior is particularly harmful to women in recovery, who may already be dealing with significant emotional and psychological challenges​.

Women face unique challenges in addiction and recovery. Physiologically, we metabolize substances differently than men, making us more susceptible to the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol. Emotionally and socially, we may also be more vulnerable due to past trauma, including sexual abuse, which can make us particularly susceptible to thirteenth-stepping behaviors.

To combat these issues, it's crucial for recovery programs, recovery housing, ministries, mental health providers, and all of us to be vigilant and proactive.

Newcomers are sometimes advised to avoid new romantic relationships for at least a year to focus on their recovery without the added complications of a potentially unstable new relationship.

[I didn’t listen to a mentor on this one and yes, she was in fact correct]

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

This period allows individuals to gain emotional stability and resilience, reducing the risk of a recurrence of use triggered by relationship issues​ and challenges.

While everyone’s journey is different, I appreciate the way that this article calls for increased awareness and protective measures within recovery communities to ensure that all members, especially women, can focus on their recovery without fear of exploitation. It underscores the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment where individuals can heal and rebuild their lives.

For more information on this topic, you can read the full article on Psychology Today here.

I also talk about my own experiences with unhealthy boundaries around relationships, along with vulnerability because of some of the trauma I experienced in my new book.

Importantly, I offer ways to learn healthy coping skills, along with other solutions, if 13th stepping, boundary issues, or unhealthy relationships are or have been a part of your journey.

You are not alone.

There are things we can do to disrupt unhealthy patterns.

Have you experienced “13th stepping” in the rooms of 12-step fellowships or other recovery pathways? Comment if you feel comfortable sharing, or feel free to send me a private message.